001 — Text — UN: SHINIGAMI

[mikoshi]

[ Text only from the guy who hates calls and/or being recorded. ]

Got it — that gold-red fern that only opens up during the day? Tobacco like.

Gives you a headache first time you smoke it, but afterwards? Smooth sailing.

Bring me samples of the leaves, drier the better. Found rolling papers.

Or don't. I'm not your mom.

[ Yet despite saying that, attached comes a picture of the aforementioned plant (Sun's Lace), two samples in view: one healthy, the other dried up. ] So you gonks don't poison yourselves toking up the wrong herb.

You're welcome ᝰ🚬

Comments

[mikoshi]

You had direct access to my synapses and didn't. You ain't doing shit (˶˘ ³˘(´͈ ᵕ `͈˶)

[rebelsamurai]

Don't get cocky! I might just do it while you're sleeping, or I could cut off your dick—nah. I can't do that.

Nope. Hell no.

[mikoshi]

Yeah, why would you punish yourself like that? I'm not getting a Mr. Stud

[rebelsamurai]

I wouldn't let you touch me with that piece of shit. Nah, you're keeping your dick.

I prefer my men to be semi-organic.

[mikoshi]

[ This brings up a fascinating question... ] Would you still love me if I was 'borged out like Adam Smasher but kept my dick?

[rebelsamurai]

[ Oh god, what the fuck is this? Johnny is already annoyed. ]

It looks like it’s “Dumbass Questions Hour” starring yours truly.

[mikoshi]

Just answer the fucking question, Johnny. I still love you even through you were my tapeworm

[rebelsamurai]

Fuck, fine! I would still love you if you were an ugly, borged-out freak with a human dick attached.

Congrats.

Also, I was an "engram," not a tapeworm.

[mikoshi]

Thanks, babe.

Johnny, you not only lived inside me, you were also draining me of life. [ To make no mention of manipulating Vincent's behavior for his own benefit, just like a helminth. ]

But it's fine. Really

It's fucking hilarious, actually

Feel like those goth girls who have leeches as pets, put little pink ribbons around their necks

[rebelsamurai]

So I'm a "pet leech" now?

[ Ugh. How romantic, V. Real smooth. ]

[mikoshi]

Really think I actually think that of the guy I disassembled Adam Smasher with my bare fists for?

[rebelsamurai]

[ That puts a slight smirk on his face. ]

It sounds like Smasher's death was your indirect way of proposing to me, Vince.

[mikoshi]

If I do Militech next will it be clearer?

[rebelsamurai]

No need. I think the message was loud and clear. But if you're hellbent on raiding Militech, I'm coming with you.

[mikoshi]

I'll wear the dress you wear the tux while we do it, okay?

[rebelsamurai]

Only if you let me pick out your dress and veil. If so, then deal.

But seriously, how are you holding up in this flying shithole?

[mikoshi]

Alright, long as you don't make me shave and/or wax. Ingrown hairs are a bitch

Some peeps are fucking annoying. Others are chill. Glad I found nicotine though. Can handle it now that Berserk OS ain't regulating my hormones for me

[rebelsamurai]

Fuck no! If I wanted a hairless twink that looks like Nibbles, I would just order one from Twinktopia or some shit.

That bad, huh? Yeah, I’ve noticed that our less than gracious hosts have a sense of humor. Even most military recruitment centers have a better selection.

[mikoshi]

Supposedly also hurts like a bitch putting on tights when your legs are furry. But with my dick huge and my pain endless, I tread onward

Mean, kinda glad no one here got recruited by the likes of the NUSA or Militech — same shit, really — offering a healthcare plan to go blow up villages in Nicaragua. But would it have killed them to pick up a few more jarheads? Shit's so dire I'd take Kurt Hansen

[rebelsamurai]

”This is Kurt Hansen, and my only contribution to society is being a bullet bag.”

Heh, I couldn’t help myself.

Maybe it’s a good thing we aren’t hurling through space on a glorified crotch rocket with a bunch of jarheads. Our Hosts probably don’t intend on us doing much fighting. If that’s the case, we’re golden.

However, we both know that’s bullshit…

So yeah, I’m a little worried.

[mikoshi]

Not bad

I'm sure there's other heavy hitters besides us. But I ain't holding my breath for Security

[rebelsamurai]

There has to be or else we’re fucked. As much as I trust you, Vince, I know we can’t handle this bullshit solo.

Fuck, neither of us even know where we are. We’re just hurling through space with a thought and a prayer.

But enough about that, I’m kind worried about that hole in your head.

[mikoshi]

Which hole? Be specific

[rebelsamurai]

The one where "I" used to reside. Are you completely healed or something?

I have a brand new body, but you haven’t had a proper checkup since we arrived.

[mikoshi]

That

[ No point in lying to Johnny, is there? ] Didn't want to think about it. Accepted still only got half a year worth of gas in the tank