Crash Test Dummy (Literally) >> Audio ;

[justamobster]

[ The post goes up on the network a few minutes after touchdown planetside. The speaker is quite obviously trying to catch his breath, and there’s an undercurrent of laughter in his voice— sharp with both disbelieving amusement and a bit of panic. ]

The er, emergency landin’ system on the ships, yeah? That?

S’workin’. Just thought folks’d wanna know.

[ GUESS WHO ALMOST JUST DIED? This guy!

For context and any in-person concerns, see Prompt #1 here! ]

Comments

text | un: pink.cloud

[nterwebz]

u DIDNT

audio;

[justamobster]

[ "From user: pink dot cloud. Ooo did int" ]

Er? Come again?

[ Yes, Ladon uses the device's text-to-speech to read to him. ]

[nterwebz]

u DONT

[ Use text-to-speech like an old fogey. Say it ain't so, Ladon! ]

[justamobster]

I don't what? Didn't hit my head that hard...

[ He can't read Nao :( :( :( ]

text -> audio

[nterwebz]

[ Hmmm. Something may be amiss. She doesn't know Ladon particularly well, but he doesn't strike her as the type who'd mess with her about her texting. She taps her cheek idly for a moment as she contemplates the situation, then sighs dramatically and toggles to audio.

The deep breath she takes is audible. ]

You didn't take first crashland day one of our off-the-ship adventures!! [ He did, but he's alive, so. ]

[justamobster]

[ That gets him to perk up. ]

Oh hey, Miss Fizz! How're you doin', kiddo? Sorry. Scratch it off the list. M'a show-off, yeah?

[nterwebz]

That's what it's called when somebody survives that kind of thing, yeah.

[ Speaking from experience? It's a mystery. That he nicknamed her, though, is noted. Now he really is stuck with her. Poor Ladon. ]

How many mother hens are we lookin' at? I'm guessing you've got something of a tally.

[ ... ]

And I'm not a kid. [ The braid flip might as well be audible. ]

[justamobster]

Sure you ain't.

[ Everyone is a kid to him, Nao. Sorry. ] Got a few checkin' in on me. Can't blame folks, yeah? Not everyone's comin' from a place fulla hullabaloo.

[nterwebz]

Hullabaloo! Hehe... that might be my new favorite word! I guess you're right, though. They aren't asking you to test their ships' out, are they?

'Cause y'know, those are things that should be tested individually. Just 'cause one alarm works doesn't mean another isn't defective.

[justamobster]

If they were considerin' it, don't think they're gonna ask now. Unless folks fancy diggin' their ships outta dunes.

[nterwebz]

You never know what people are gonna be into these days. Doesn't exactly sound profitable, though. I'd advise givin' them a good old, "Nah."

And that right there is free. Just for you. Today!

[justamobster]

Only profitable if I get good 'nough to give 'em the skipout. Bet I could fence 'em for heavy sugar on the next civilized planet. [ Is Ladon going to start stealing spaceships? Maybe. Either way, he's perpetually scheming. ]

[nterwebz]

Are we talkin' space piracy? Er, I guess ship piracy since space pirates is its own thing. Man, to be a space pirate...

[justamobster]

Don'tcha need a boat to be a pirate? [ He's fairly certain Joe's pirate king career ended when the city states fortified their naval power. He's certainly still the most powerful criminal mastermind in Nieve, but pirates are kind of old hat... ]

[nterwebz]

What's another word for "boat"? [ Go on. She'll wait. ]

[justamobster]

... Dingy.

[nterwebz]

[ ... ]

I'm leaving you on read.

1/3

[justamobster]

Canoe? Er, s'a 'nother boat…? Tugboat? Trawler?

2/4 I lied

[justamobster]

Skiff.

...

Wait...

3/4

[justamobster]

[ Buffering... ]

[justamobster]

Wow.

I'm a fuckin' idiot.

[nterwebz]

In this instance, I'll concede.

"Ship," the answer we're looking for is "ship".

[ She's going to give him a minute to let all of this sink in. ]

[justamobster]

[ Grumble ] I know I know I know. Fuuuuck.

Maybe I did hit my head. [ Narrator: he had not hit his head. He was just a moron. ]

[nterwebz]

Anyway, space pirates. They're a thing. There's a whole intergalactic alliance spanning a ton of planets and peoples that we're nowhere near, I think.

[ Someone's been a very, very busy young lady. ]

I doubt we're gonna run into space pirates out here, though. Any successful pirate doesn't stray too far from where there's business.

[ She may sound a little... disappointed maybe. (What?) ]

[justamobster]

Yeah? Guessin' that means they got space banks? Space museums? Space jewelry stores?

[ No, he's totally not making a mental space heist list. Definitely not. ]