Crash Test Dummy (Literally) >> Audio ;

[justamobster]

[ The post goes up on the network a few minutes after touchdown planetside. The speaker is quite obviously trying to catch his breath, and there’s an undercurrent of laughter in his voice— sharp with both disbelieving amusement and a bit of panic. ]

The er, emergency landin’ system on the ships, yeah? That?

S’workin’. Just thought folks’d wanna know.

[ GUESS WHO ALMOST JUST DIED? This guy!

For context and any in-person concerns, see Prompt #1 here! ]

Comments

[justamobster]

[ He laughs, which leads to coughing, which leads to a grumble. ] Mmmph, okay, yeah. Take this over holdin' my insides in with one arm.

[imhilarious]

Yeah, never seen that work out for anyone.

[ Local man trying and failing not to be concerned about all the coughing. The ship, he must assume, is not on fire. ]

Deep breath, hold it for a ten-count. Let's hear it.

[justamobster]

[ Other local man does not do well with being fussed over. He's the fusser, not the fuss-ee. ] M'fine, yeah? Just catchin' up with myself.

[imhilarious]

[ Two spidermen pointing at each other, gravely concerned. Dean scoffs. Very maturely. ]

Dude, that's gotta be the worst ten-count I've ever heard.

[justamobster]

Worst? M'I beatin' out the one-two-ten trick, or did your li'l brother never pull that on you?

[ Because Conrit was notorious for that. ]

[imhilarious]

'course he pulled that, he's a smartass. That just means when I'm fixin' his dislocated shoulder, I do the same thing to him.

[ With a side of telling him an extremely stupid joke to distract him. But that's the big brother special. ]

You wanna put my bedside manner to the test? Huh?

[justamobster]

[ Oh but he doesn't like the idea of having to put Conrit's shoulder back in place. Or a wing-- those are worse. He's again thankful the kid isn't here, though it's unlikely he would have taken this kind of a risk with his little brother around to protect.

Either way, he doesn't have his cousin here to rile up by being a terrible patient, so alas, he's just going to sass anyone else who tries to take care of him instead. ]

Sure, doc. Tell me what's wrong with me. I'll take it alphabetical, yeah?

[imhilarious]

Yeah, sure. A, you're an asshole. B, you're a bein' kind of a bitch about this. C is for... crap, which you're full of. In my professional opinion. Obviously.

[ Today we prove to the world why Dean did not get assigned to Medical when he got to this ship despite having some relevant experience. ]

But hey, if you cracked somethin' open and end up D for dead because of it, don't say I didn't tell you so.

[ Despite it all....... we have fun. We stay a little bit silly. ]

[justamobster]

M'I payin' for this consult, 'cuz you ain't tellin' me nothin' I don't already know. [ And because he's an asshole who doesn't listen, there's enough background noise coming through the device to give away that he's up and moving around again. So much for sitting still. ]