Crash Test Dummy (Literally) >> Audio ;

[justamobster]

[ The post goes up on the network a few minutes after touchdown planetside. The speaker is quite obviously trying to catch his breath, and there’s an undercurrent of laughter in his voice— sharp with both disbelieving amusement and a bit of panic. ]

The er, emergency landin’ system on the ships, yeah? That?

S’workin’. Just thought folks’d wanna know.

[ GUESS WHO ALMOST JUST DIED? This guy!

For context and any in-person concerns, see Prompt #1 here! ]

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[justamobster]

[ Other local man does not do well with being fussed over. He's the fusser, not the fuss-ee. ] M'fine, yeah? Just catchin' up with myself.

[imhilarious]

[ Two spidermen pointing at each other, gravely concerned. Dean scoffs. Very maturely. ]

Dude, that's gotta be the worst ten-count I've ever heard.

[justamobster]

Worst? M'I beatin' out the one-two-ten trick, or did your li'l brother never pull that on you?

[ Because Conrit was notorious for that. ]

[imhilarious]

'course he pulled that, he's a smartass. That just means when I'm fixin' his dislocated shoulder, I do the same thing to him.

[ With a side of telling him an extremely stupid joke to distract him. But that's the big brother special. ]

You wanna put my bedside manner to the test? Huh?

[justamobster]

[ Oh but he doesn't like the idea of having to put Conrit's shoulder back in place. Or a wing-- those are worse. He's again thankful the kid isn't here, though it's unlikely he would have taken this kind of a risk with his little brother around to protect.

Either way, he doesn't have his cousin here to rile up by being a terrible patient, so alas, he's just going to sass anyone else who tries to take care of him instead. ]

Sure, doc. Tell me what's wrong with me. I'll take it alphabetical, yeah?

[imhilarious]

Yeah, sure. A, you're an asshole. B, you're a bein' kind of a bitch about this. C is for... crap, which you're full of. In my professional opinion. Obviously.

[ Today we prove to the world why Dean did not get assigned to Medical when he got to this ship despite having some relevant experience. ]

But hey, if you cracked somethin' open and end up D for dead because of it, don't say I didn't tell you so.

[ Despite it all....... we have fun. We stay a little bit silly. ]

[justamobster]

M'I payin' for this consult, 'cuz you ain't tellin' me nothin' I don't already know. [ And because he's an asshole who doesn't listen, there's enough background noise coming through the device to give away that he's up and moving around again. So much for sitting still. ]

[imhilarious]

[ Hello? HELLO????? ]

I should be chargin' you! Do you not know how to sit your ass down?

[justamobster]

Keep your shirt on, yeah? Just findin' somethin' t'do while I'm sittin'. [ And he's rifling through a few things. ] Ain't good with idle hands.

[imhilarious]

Oh, sorry, don't let me interrupt rubik's cube time with my bullcrap about your little crash landing. Barely even a crash, right, what's to get worked up about?

[ Dean "flagrant hypocrite" Winchester. Dean "would be doing the exact same thing and being exactly as difficult if the situation were reversed, but obviously That's Different because reasons" Winchester. ]

[justamobster]

Now you're on the trolley. [ Don't mind him, just checking to see if something he packed survived the crash landing.

There's the sound of a couple heavy glass bottles dinging against each other. ] Hot socks, they're still in one piece.

[imhilarious]

'Hot socks'? [ Concern: on hold. Interest in sounds of bottles: also on hold. ] Dude. C'mon. That's lame.

[ Says man who has zero room to judge whatsoever. ]

[justamobster]

[ Dean, if you can't love him at his "hot socks," you don't deserve him at his "let's dust." ]

Says you. You ain't the one holdin' two perfectly whole bottles of single malt.

[imhilarious]

[ So true. Dean makes a Very Serious sound of consideration. ]

Opinion could change if you're sharin'.

[justamobster]

Yeah yeah. Drinks're on me once I get my ship outta the sand.

[imhilarious]

Opinion changed. Put it on the books. [ Sometimes it's fine to be able to be bought. We're cool with "hot socks" now. ] Need a hand diggin' her out? I know my way around a shovel.

[ Not that he wants to make sure Ladon doesn't have a head wound or something. Purely self-serving. ]

[justamobster]

It sure ain't gonna be a one-man job to get 'er out any time soon. [ If he could just let this damn disguise spell down, he could probably get the ship dug out within an hour or so... but a scrappy 5'7" mobster with a chainsmoking habit is not going to be able to make a lot of progress on his own. ]

We'll crack a bottle open once she's out, yeah?

[imhilarious]

[ Dean is very fluent in the language of that meaning "yeah, thanks." He loves drinking and being useful, so it all works out.

Even if digging around in sand's always a pain in the ass. ]

You got it. Don't test out the photon torpedoes if you hear me knockin' around out there, man. I plan to live through my first alien planet.

[justamobster]

No promises. [ As though Ladon could test out photon torpedoes... if he even knew what those were.

Come to think of it, did he even see any weapons on his ship...? ]